Random Rants: On Me

1. Even at the age of 24, I’m still terrified of things that most girls get over by the time they start stuffing their bras. Just to name a few…….

  • I hate the dark. When I’m sleeping alone, I sleep with my TV on every night, because a night light just won’t do. If I watch something disturbing, (especially true stories) like Ray (the whole flashback of the brother drowning scene gives me the creeps), Antwone Fisher, or The Dorothy Dandridge Story, I have to put in a cartoon or comedy before I go to sleep so I won’t have nightmares 🙂
  • Escalators. Especially fast and/or high escalators. I almost bit it at the mall yesterday because I second-guessed my step, trying to make sure that my foot didn’t land on the crack.
  • The evil witch, Maleficent of Disney’s “Sleeping Beauty”

 

2. I have FINALLY chosen a career path, to be disclosed at a later date…..

3.  If life were my man, blogging would be my Splackavellie. I particularly enjoy the works of  Brandon St. Randy and Jozen, especially in theroot.com. They’re pretty dope.

4. I’m still learning how to be a “girlfriend.” Not a girlfriend to a man, but to other women. Not in a homosexual way, but more of a Sisterhood of the Traveling Ya-Ya Pants(?) kind of way. I’ve slowly begun to remove the pad of insensitivity from my shoulder, and have exposed it to the weeping eyes of my girlfriends, who typically use it to cope with their (failing) relationships.

5. Recently, I chastised Jay-Z and the rest of the hip-hop world for lacking originality, individuality, respect for the craft, substance, and accountability. i like the approach that Jozen took in his article, “Why Jay-Z Should Rap About Marriage.”

6. What is it about long hair, whether natural or synthetic, that men love so much? Seriously? I’m not judging anyone and I’m not burning Kanekalon and pumping my fist to india.arie’s “I Am Not My Hair”, I would just really like to know…..

7. I remember a time when ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ settled even the most heated debate. I didn’t learn until just recently that there’s no ‘bulldozer’ in ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’. I’m finding out that my older brother made up a lot of things in order to win at everything. I almost lost my life at a spades table because of him.

8. On my quest to drop a few pounds, I lost in the place where I least desired shrinkage- my breasts. How tragic! I wish I could’ve had an out-of-body experience at the very moment that I was standing naked in front of the bathromm, cupping my breasts, and asking my reflection, “What have you done?!” I may still be a DD, but it’s definitely not as solid as it was 4 weeks ago. That hurt.

9. When describing a friend to potentially impose upon me to date, a co-worker described him as being “Cute for a Black guy.”………. I decided not to lose my job that day.

10. I’m falling more and more in love with myself as each day goes by. Egotistical? Not so much. If you understood where I was, and how far I’ve come, you’d think twice before giving me such a label.

11. I’ve wondered if men have a sense comparable to a woman’s intuition.

12. The more I listen to the radio, watch TV, movies and YouTube clips, the more I wonder why I’m not a millionaire yet. Soon come.

13. I am one of the clumsiest people I know. As I dropped the gas pump on my foot, and began to curse that heavy piece of shit, I could see everyone waiting at the light chuckling at my less than graceful mishap. “Only me!” Oh, but it doesn’t stop there my friends. Other than your normal tripping over my own two feet, I’ve also been known to run into walls, doors, poles, parked cars, small children, and invisible (yes, invisible) objects. I’ve smothered someone’s white Sunday best with nacho cheese, head-butted a man when going in for a kiss, and I’ve even slapped my mother in the face in an effort to high-five her. Did i mention that I fall? A lot?

14. I never realized how much I’m like my mother until this phone conversation:

Me: Hey, mom. I remember talking to you last night, but i was out of it. What were you calling for?

(Long silence…..)

Mom: I called you?

We both just started cracking up. I have phone conversations when I’m halfway to R.E.m. because that’s what my mom does. I fall asleep in most movies, because my mom does. I have a sharp, sarcastic tounge, you guessed it! Just like mom. But there’s no other way I’d rather be, than just like my mom.

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