Skinny Jeans Should be the Least of Your Worries….

As we enter a new decade, I thought it would be fun to try and guess what some of the new fads and trends will be. Some of the items listed are my attempt at humor. Some, I whole-heartedly believe will come to pass. Feel free to leave a comment with something you’d like to add to the list. Or don’t. Its your prerogative, Bobby Brown.

1. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Wine is going to be the new official liquor of the hip-hop community very soon. Time to buy some stock in Yellow Tail and Woodbridge.

2. Men’s popular fashion is getting gayer and gayer. Soon enough, its going to be pretty standard to see a straight guy walking down the street with pearls in his ears. That’s right, pearls. Pearls will be as big as throwback jerseys were in 2001.

3. I went to a club in LA when I was in high school, and the guys who were gettin all the panty points were grinding across the floor and on their heads, all while wearing cowboy boots. Its my prediction that men’s cowboy boots will be the new Pradas.

4. Penis rings. Probably made of pearls. No homo, but…..homo, indeed.

5. Remember when everyone made a song or a portion of their song was about getting their hair braided? Nah, boo, I’m not gonna braid your hair. I’m gonna wave your hair. Fingerwaves.

6. They may still be wearing gucci shades, but please believe they’re going to have a beaded lanyard on them like my granny’s do.

7. Long gone are the days when terms of endearment between men included ‘fam’, ‘jo’, ‘young’, ‘B’, ‘son’, ‘my nig’, ‘cuz’, ‘chief’, etc. You can go ahead and replace the aforementioned with terms like, ‘muffin’, ‘boo’, ‘tiger’, ‘niño’, ‘cowboy’, and ‘biscuit’.

8. Young men will no longer glorify movies like Scarface, The Godfather, New Jack City, Casino, or The Mack. Instead, you’ll see young fellas reciting lines from Sweet Home Alabama, Madea’s Family Reunion, Sex and the City, or maybe a song from Rent or Chicago.

9. Basketball? No way……Ok maybe that’s a stretch. Niggas will forever love basketball.

10. GM, Land Rover, and Daimler-Chrysler will all lose their presence in Urban America. No more Chevys, Cadillacs, Chargers, or Range Rovers. Fahgetaboutit mang. Say hello to the wonderful world of Minis, Smart Cars, and restored Astro vans.

11. No more videos shot on the block or in the club, poolside or courtside, in the studio or behind a blank white background (since everyone’s video today looks the same as the next man’s plain white background video) Nah, cowboy. We takin it to Bollywood and belly dancing class. Welcome to the winery, bitch. What? You can’t respect my gangsta on a hayride through the pumpkin patch or apple orchard?

12. Iced-out watches will be a thing of the past. The future lies in slap bracelets. Shooting dice is for losers. Whoopin ass with a Smurf slammer and takin everyone’s pogs is where its at.

13. Boxer-briefs and boxers will surely be replaced with that thong-thong-thong-thong-thong. “Good for circulation and prevents saggy balls.” Oh, and Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon will begin to sell as many millions as Tupac’s greatest hits did even 10 years after his death.

14. The same households that have George Foreman Grills will now have Breadmakers. That’s right. We bakin bread, muffin.

15. Jay-Z’s presence in young Black America will be replaced by Michael Buble. Think about it. Jay-Z idolizes Frank Sinatra. Who else in 2010 is more reminiscent of Frank Sinatra than Michael Buble? I have the answer. The answer is nobody. Makes sense.

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