It’s Simpin-Simpin

Since my last relationship, I’ve been good, if not great, at detaching myself emotionally from the opposite sex. Maybe to my detriment. I’ve been conditioned to understand that sex does not equal emotion. Because of this, I have been able (for the most part) to keep casual sex-only relationships without drama or invasion of feeling.

I’ve learned 5 very basic fundamentals over the past 3 years which have kept my life pretty uncomplicated and open:

1. Don’t read too much into sex; you’ll fail every time.

2. Don’t ask questions after sex; you’re emotional.

3. Don’t ask questions pertaining to a definitive relationship status.

4. Don’t think he’s different from the rest.

5. Don’t think you’re different from the rest.

But what am I to do when the inevitable happens? And by inevitable, I’m referring to the school of thought that everyone will eventually fall for someone. I don’t have the answer for that, but I do know when it happens. I can tell that I care for someone when I do things that I wouldn’t just do for anyone. I hate being a simp, and I hate acting like a girl. But sometimes I do girly, simpish things.

I have the same obvious signs that others do when their friend is growing on them. I look forward to his call/text at least 3 times a day (especially first thing in the morning). I find myself picking up things that I know he needs while I’m out shopping. I anxiously anticipate our next face-to-face encounter and smile on the inside when I think of how he’ll greet me.   But there are a few things that I (and maybe others) do that let me know for sure that my guy is important to me.

1. I speak without thinking. I’ve been known to say something that may not be appropriate for a datingship-type situation, and more appropriate for banter with my girl (or guy) friends. To me, this is a sign that I have gotten to be way more comfortable with my guy, and my wall of formality is starting to come down some. Doesn’t always work out so well:

Me: I’m so glad I can talk to you about my sexual desires. Before, I may have just kept quiet and made a call when I needed something a little extra.

Him: A call?

Me: Yeah. Like a friend on the side that I’d keep around for specific purposes. But since you, I’ve benched my starting 5, and don’t feel it necessary to make those kinds of “calls.”

Him: (Awkward silence)

2. I buy new panties. If I care enough about you to make sure you very extremely rarely see the same panties twice, you’re a keeper. I’ve invested into our datingship and I want to make sure I do my part to keep it spicy. Complacency is a curse.

3. I can’t tell you no. Some may say that I can’t say no to anybody. Not true. I say no to people whose presence in my life makes me no difference. I have a very hard time saying no to the ones I care about. Even if it (often) means over-extending myself and doing things beyond reason.

4. I’ll do anything to see you. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes. And by anything, I mean, anything. This could mean flying you from DC to LA to visit me, driving to NY to give you a ride home when you could easily hop on that good Chinatown bus, or driving in a blizzard with my balding tires to make you a hot tati (and be snowed in with you, of course).

5. I put myself into a role. Not for the sake of the role, but to make sure you’re taken care of. I’ll make your bed, I’ll cook you breakfast and maybe dinner too, I’ll iron your shirts to help you get ready for work. I’ll make you a drink when you come home from work. I’m there when you leave for and maybe when you get home from work. I may even fake an orgasm or two to make you feel like you just did something extraordinary.

6. I start cooking more. Not for you…..well, for you, but no really. I cook more to perfect my recipes and the recipes that you like that I’m now learning, so that when I do cook for you, you’ll want to do the dishes. And by do the dishes, I mean have outstanding sex with me.

7. I count minutes. I tend to count the minutes between text messages sent to try and anticipate when the next one will come through. Yes, I know, this is very weird, but I’m a weird gal. However, if I start freaking out because nothing has come through in the time that I feel the send button should’ve been pushed, I will immediately walk away from my phone and mentally bitch-slap myself.

There’s a laundry list of other signs to let me know I’m catching heavy feelings for my guy, but these are the most common, I guess. I’d like to improve and not be such a giddy-ass school girl when I have feelings for someone, but that’s just who I am. At least, that’s who I am today. No apologies here. I’d like to think that we all do silly things when we discover deep feelings for someone, because to me, that’s just a part of life.

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