20 Rules of Sex Acording to Me

I have taken the liberty of compiling 20 rules of sex that I feel should be recognized in any health datingship or relationship. Am I a sex therapist? No way. Am I so experienced that I can educate the masses on proper sex etiquette and technique? Far from it. These are just the things that I think make sexual experiences even better than the act itself. Feel free to take heed, or continue to settle for mediocrity.

1. A (black) woman must unwrap her hair. No man wants to have sex with Mammy.

2. It is rude to wake your partner in the middle of the night if you don’t intend on putting them back to sleep.

3. Don’t tell your partner when your moment is on its way until its already happening. If you do, it will never happen.

4. Sex before going to work is a great idea.

5. Women like to be undressed from start to finish. Don’t stop at unhooking the bra and then go find a rubber.

6. Foreplay is still a necessity.

7. It’s 2010. If you’re still not giving head, then you ought to be celibate.

8. One must eat, pee, and watch TV (not necessarily in that order) before having any serious discussions after sex.

9. Any sex games that make you stop and then start back up, with corny banter in-between is a downer. Literally.

10. Every man should have a copy of “That Good Mix” and he should play it. Music is still awesome for nighttime activities.

11. Every man should also have a stash of bobby pins if he considers himself to be a decent boot-knocker. She’ll need them.

12. Cameras are stupid. If you want to watch what just took place, my suggestion is to re-create the moment.

13. Stay away from extreme temperatures as sex supplements. Like ice.

14. If you don’t pumice your feet regularly, sex with socks on.

15. Sex in the back seat of a car is trashy, uncomfortable, slutty, and one of the best things any two people can do together other than bake cookies.

16. Everyone loves a smile. Even during sex.

17. There is no penalty for catching a cramp.

18. It is only polite to offer a washcloth to the person who is the visitor.

19. Thinking that one time in a 3-hour period is enough is a bad idea.

20. Whoever finishes first has to make breakfast.

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