I’m not your Superwoman, but I’ll never tell YOU that

We women give men such a hard time for being so proud and beating their manly chests about stupid things, when in fact I definitely we sometimes do the same thing, but in a way that normally works to your benefit. If you’ve ever read any of my posts, you’d know that I appreciate a neanderthal in my life. Club me over the head, drag me back to the cave, and I’ll drop 5 babies while simultaneously making dinner with no shoes on. Needless to say, I’m a little old fashioned, which is why I expect men to have barbaric attitudes toward certain things. Do I think it’s silly that you’d drive around aimlessly for hours without stopping for directions? Of course, but I just expect it. I also expect a man to spend 3 hours in the grocery store, and come out with $27 worth of food. It’s just what men do. But what about women? We do the same thing, but in a way that makes MUCH more sense then the way men do it.

1. I will never admit that I don’t know how to cook whatever you ask me to make. Granted, I don’t expect you to request anything oulandish, so when you start asking for smoked octopus, I’ll take you out instead. Otherwise, if you want it, baby, you got it. I don’t like seafood, chocolate, curry, and a number of other things, so I don’t cook them regularly. So when you ask me to make shrimp for dinner, I’m gonna act like I know what to do, tell you that I’m pretty good at it, and hope for the best. If I know you’re not on facebook, I may even post the following for my status, “Quick! Boo wants shrimp for dinner and I don’t know how to make it! I’ve got shrimp, rice, pasta, bbq sauce, spaghetti sauce, chicken breasts and some seasonings. We just had jambalaya, so that won’t do.  SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE! READY, GO!” All because I am too much of a superwoman to admit I can’t make it want you to have whatever you want (By the way, dinner’s in the fridge, babe).

2. I have the remedy for EVERY ailment. As a woman, it’s my job to know how to get you better. If you have a cold, I’m gonna make you a hot toddy. If you had a long day, I’ll fix you a plate, turn on ESPN, and pour a glass of wine. If you hurt your ankle playing basketball, I’ll fix you some other alcoholic beverage that will make it so you can’t feel anything from the waist down. If you’re sleepy, I’ll fix both of us a french connection, and then put you to sleep. I have the remedy for everything because I know that everything can be cured with sex and/or alcohol.

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