(Ho)spitality

(Disclaimer: I don’t mean ho in a disrespectful way. I just use the term as a general statement for bitches whose names I don’t know individually.)

I wanted to expose the truth about people when it comes to showing hospitality to their hoes. When I say hoes, I’m not referring to the loose or promiscuous, I’m referring to the one that you’re neither committed nor obligated to,  just someone who provides good every now and then sex. Hoes. In my 25 years, I’ve observed a lot about human behavior when it comes to matters of the ho. So, I decided to disclose what I’ve gathered about hoes at the house.

1. Ho shorts.

It first came to my attention that there was such a thing as ho shorts when I noticed that every time I’d go visit my friend, he’d offer me the same shorts to sleep in. Every time. We weren’t in a relationship, so I knew I couldn’t have been the only one he’d invite over, which means I also wasn’t the only one wearing that same pair of basketball shorts when it was time for bed. Not just any basketball shorts. Either the YMCA summer league shorts, the organized team practice shorts, or the ones that were just too short and gay for him anymore. I’ve demanded to wear a different pair on several occassions because I recognized what was going on. I want them Jordan shorts! The extra long ones! Little does he know, that when he comes over, he’s also subject to the ho shorts. The female version of ho shorts that she shares with her guest usually ends up being ho shorts she never gave back, or her ex-boyfriend’s old shorts.

2. Ho towels.

My roommate recently brought this to my attention, as I didn’t know there was such a thing as a ho towel. He tells me that the ho towels are all white, usually stolen from hotels. She’s always gonna get the ho towel for 2 reasons: 1) She’s a ho, and therefore not allowed to dry herself on the same towels that he uses to dry his precious body. 2) White towels allow you to see how clean that ho is. I’ve never been given the ho towel, because I have no desire to bathe at an almost stranger’s house. And my body wash smells better than your Old Spice/Axe.

3. Ho side of the bed.

A true ho is never allowed to choose which side of the bed he/she wants to sleep on. I’m sleeping closest to the door. Every time. He has his reasons for choosing the side she’s not permitted to sleep on. And it never changes unless you happen to be lying in the forbidden spot in your birthday suit. At his house anyway. I don’t want your naked genitalia anywhere near my side of the bed.

4. Ho liquor.

Most men invite you over because they want to have sex. Most men would invite me over and would have a bottle of Ciroc waiting because I have OUTSTANDING drunk-off-Ciroc-sex. A repeat guest will always have his/her liquor of choice waiting. A boredom booty call gets water. From the sink.

5. Ho activities.

If you’re the chosen ho for the night and you end up at your friend’s house, you better believe you’re doing ho activities (with ho tendencies 🙂 ) that night. Ho activities include everything that the host wants to do, whether the ho enjoys them or not. This includes choice of TV channel, movies, bedtime, food, video games, etc. The ho’s job is to nod and smile and perform his or her ho duty for the evening. The ho is not there for his or her own entertainment or enjoyment. That ho ought to know a ho’s place.

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    • MindTheBlazerPlease
    • August 3rd, 2010

    why must you reveal such (ho) secrets?

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