Random Rants: In the Passenger Seat

1. I feel like u need to ask my permission to use the cigarette lighter in my car.

2. I feel like a man shopping for peanut butter when I go to buy a new toothbrush. I have to stare at the variety for a solid 3 minutes, knowing I’m going to end up getting the exact same thing I got last time and every other time. Soft, medium, spin, manual, purple, green, so many options!!!

3. How long can you REALLY ride on a donut? I’ve been on one for 6 weeks at a time

4. I CAN’T STAND when people tell me how to drive. That has to be in my top 5 list of things that will make me want to slit someone’s throat. Seriously. I’ll go the way I want, how fast I want, and will turn my blinker on/off when I want. I can navigate most of the metro are pretty well and require none of YOUR assistance.

5. I have the perfect remedy for the alcoholic that wants to go out and drink but has to work the next morning. Before the club, have a pb&j. On the way home, get some fries, but only from McDonalds.

6. Lil’ Wayne is still wack. I know that the masses will disagree, but that’s just how I feel. He’s wack and he looks like Gonzo. Will I continue to dance to his songs? Yes. Why? Because I’m an American.

7. Every policy has a loophole. I believe from the bottom of my heart that you can be a convicted child molester and get a job at a daycare facility. I also believe that a high school dropout can be President. So why would it be hard to believe that a regular gal like me can’t be a billionare blogger?

8. Before 2010 is over, I’m going take some pictures in the parking lot at CVS with an escalade and the words pimpin ain’t easy as my backdrop.

9. Keri Hilson’s ‘Slow Dance’ still makes me want to strip down and give the lap dance of my life. LOVE THAT SONG.

10. I can’t stand to hear people pop their gum. Sounds too much like chewing food, and I CAN’T STAND to hear and/or see people eat. Close your damn mouth.

11. Its always so interesting to see someone towering over me when I go out. I just expect to be the tallest woman there. Every time. I’m almost offended when a woman taller than me comes into the the places that I frequent the most. Who let YOU into MY club?

12. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a party girl. However, each time I go out, I get closer and closer to retiring from the club scene. Could be the clubs, could be the company, could be that I’m just burnt out. Whatever the case, this is getting old and fast. And taking off make-up before I go to bed is a royal pain in the ass.

13. I really do love DC.

14. I feel like I’m getting close….

15. I need to find some people to go out with that are 10x more hype than I am. Its too much work being the go-to-party-all-the-time chick.

16. Its not called a cookout. Its a BBQ. That’s what you do. You BBQ. With BBQ sauce.

17. Other people still scare the shit out of me when they drive. For the most part, I’d rather drive wherever I go because I’m deathly afraid of not being in control of the car.

18. I’m going to go back and edit this entire blog so I can finally send my mom the link and show her what I’ve been talking about.

19. Thanksgiving in the Mexican Riviera? Sounds like a great idea to me. Let’s do it mom.

20. I sincerely believe that my granny and I are the most normal people in the world and everyone else is stupid.

21. California rolls do not apply merely to Californians. I’ve been out of California for 7 years and have witnessed several non-Californians neglect to come to a full and complete stop at all stop signs. What a rude label to put on the wonderful people of the Golden State.

22. I believe that if you always use the same soap, you’ll eventually be immune to it. I don’t have any proof of this, but it makes sense enough to me. For that reason, I like to switch my body wash up from time to time. I may start with Dove, go to Caress, venture over to St. Ives, and double-back at Oil of Olay. After all, who wants to be immune to Dove? That would suck.

23. Espn in 3D. No woman in America will ever be able to watch another reality TV show, go out to dinner, or have a conversation for more than 9 minutes with a man. Curse the no-sex-getting bitter man who came up with that idea.

24. Tampon commercials are still a very big deal.  It’s still just as uncomfortable to have one come on during the Family Guy commercial break, and they’re still just as embarassing and just as mortifying as they’ve always been. Period.

25. Chivalry isn’t dead, just different. At least it is on the East coast. I’m not worried about any stagecoaches running up onto the sidewalk, so you can walk on either side if you’d like. However, you can still get that ass over to my side of the car and open the door.

26. All California State employees are now earning minimum wage. Not even state, but federal minimum wage. Things are about to go from sugar to shit.

27. Write your congressmen, we gotta get these Asians off the road. Early, son.

28. “Men are a necessary evil.” Still haven’t developed an opinion about that statement yet.

29. That moment at work when you realize you forgot to put on deoderant is like when a hooker walks into church. All of a sudden, you think all eyes are on you.

30. I may have just passed on an opportunity that some would trade their first born child for, but what is in store for me will be, regardless of what I do or don’t do.

    • MindTheBlazerPlease
    • August 19th, 2010

    ESPN 3D is wonderful and the best thing that’s ever happened to me since NBA TV..Tampon commercials during family guy is as bad an idea as asking a woman about her weight before sex..after yes..before NO!.. only thing good about California is the weather and Kobe Bryant..and lil wayne doesn’t look like gonzo..more like the dread head woman on the view…if i’m driving my car and you’re a passenger..please refrain from touching anything in my vehicle..i already let you use my seatbelt, what else do you want?

  1. @MindTheBlazerPlease – LMAO, Am I allowed to roll down the window?

    Number 6 – classic, I could hear the punctuation after “Because I’m an American….

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