Just Ain’t Natural

I’d like to think that I’m at least somewhat aware of and concerned with the things that I put into my body, and there are a few things that I have to question. I don’t believe in doing most things simply because that seems to be the consensus. If you expect me to do something, you’d better have a mighty good reason. This thinking has lead me to question a few things that society has deemed “good for you” that I can’t get jiggy with. Just ain’t natural.

1. Flu shots.

Certainly I’ve had just as many flu shots as the next non-poverty stricken kid, but as a child, I was certain that this was for my own good. There’s something about preventing the spread of a virus by injected that same virus into your body that doesn’t sit well with me. Just doesn’t seem like good sense. Sure, I’m no doctor, but I’m certain that this theory is flawed. Furthermore, this whole swine flu vaccine is a joke. Unt unh. I don’t want no parts of that. I think I’m better off fighting off the virus when I catch it than suffering the long term effects of having a virus injected into my body for years and years. A flu shot is handicapping your immune system. Just ain’t natural.

2. Birth control.

Many will question me and call me a fool for saying that I will never ingest birth control. Not a pill, not a patch, not a shot. Happen not gonna. I’ve been on several bc pills and they all had me jacked up. The first made me gain 10 pounds, the second made me want to vomit every day, and the third made me pass out. I’ve been made to believe that its not a good idea to toy with a woman’s already chaotic hormones. Furthermore, don’t let the pain of cramps turn you into a punk! Does it suck when that bitch with the agenda shows her ugly head every month? Hell yeah. But we cramp to prepare us for childbirth. There’s a reason for all of this. Altering that whole process just ain’t natural.

3. Tofu.

I’m all for veganism and/or vegetarianism, but this tofu thing doesn’t seem like a very good idea to me. I’d rather just eat a vegetable. Tofu is supposed to be such a great meat substitute, full of vitamins and other stuff that’s really good for you. You know what else its full of? Estrogen. That’s right, keep messing with that tofu and see if you don’t start growing breasts and crying just because you’re just feeling a little emotional. Additionally, there’s something about a product taking the form of whatever you want it to be that I can’t get down with. You mean to tell me I can have scrambled tofu with my toast and coffee in the morning, and then have a tofu burger for lunch, then turn right around and have ground tofu in my spaghetti sauce at dinner?! Just don’t seem right to me. Just ain’t natural.

4. Atkins.

A low-carb diet? Word? You mean to tell me that instead of eating this apple plucked straight from nature’s bosom, I should eat this slab of dead, rotting, decomposing animal flesh? Why does that make sense to anybody anywhere?!?! Furthermore, if people would just read a freakin book, you’d know that your body needs carbs. It’s just that bleached stuff that will kill you. Why is it that we’ll only eat things that look white and “pure” when in fact the unbleached version tastes the EXACT same and is much better for you? Maybe I’m alone on this one, but there’s something about eating bleach that just ain’t natural.

5. Dildos.

I’m sure that men of many nations will disagree with the following: Having sex with yourself is a bad idea. I’ve known of men to create all kind of contraptions or use they’re right-hand man to create a sensation similar to vaginal penetration. I guess when you’re a man, the task of mimicking sex is pretty easy as long as you have a ziploc bag and warm lotion. Not so easy for women to re-create that feeling. We have to use all kinds of artificial shapes and apparatuses that are boring, uncomfortable, and time-consuming. Furthermore, if you’re no acrobat with monkey arms, its almost impossible to re-create some of our favorite postitions while still being able to relax and enjoy the moment. If nothing else, I will never be able to get into the state of mind required for me to get one off. Just won’t happen. So, I think dildos and other insertion tools are foolish. For me, it has to be the real thing cuz that other ish just ain’t natural. Why snack on popcorn when you can have steak?

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