Dating in Perfect Harmony

It is a pretty well known fact that women are not always expressive, and thus tend to be reactive creatures. Think about it. How many times have you heard of or been in a scenario where a guy asks his gal a very simple, “What’s wrong?” and she almost always replies, “Nothing.”? We all know that this answer is almost always a lie, and the woman just may not be in the mood to discuss what’s on her mind. How many times has that woman then gone on to do something in retaliation of whatever the issue is that she refuses to discuss? It is my hope that one day, one man on this planet will be able to understand that the things she does to aggravate him are a direct result of something he did to aggravate her. So, in order to avoid confusion, I have comprised a sample list of things that a woman may do as a result of the things that her guy does, that she will never bring to his attention:
If you don’t ask what’s wrong with her DURING THE GAME, she won’t try and talk to you about her day during the game. She was going to wait until the end, because whatever she has to say can’t be explained during halftime, a time-out, or a commercial break. But you asked, and now you have to listen attentively as she tells you about the morons at work.

If you don’t turn her channel when you’re watching TV, she won’t change the radio station when she’s in your car. You know that feeling in your stomach that you had when she turned the dial at the climax of that Jay-Z song you like? She feels the same way when you reach for the remote right when the Housewives are about to break into a scuffle. Additionally, if you wait until she goes into the bathroom to change her channel, she will do the same thing to the radio station as soon as you step outside to pump the gas.

If you don’t put your crusty man feet on her, she won’t lick your eyeball. Both are extreme violations of one’s person, and any violator should be prepared for drastic repercussions.

If you don’t criticize the way she drives, she won’t criticize the way you fold your laundry or the way you make a sandwich. Know your role, and shut yo mug!

If you don’t criticize braids, weaves, color, and short haircuts, she won’t keep her hair wrapped like Mammie when you have sex. You like  the way her pretty, natural hair looks, well you’re going to have to suffer visual turn-offs from time to time, as they are necessary to maintain natural Black girl hair.

If you don’t call her bourgeois, she won’t expect you to pump her gas. Conversely, if you don’t call her ghetto, she won’t embarass you with her loud mouth in public. Women love to be provoked because they like attention. Just be mindful of the kind of attention you incite.

If you don’t tell her you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, she won’t expect you to be there at the time you said. Women take everything that you say VERY literally.

If you don’t act like a woman, she won’t call you one. Nobody likes a bitch.

If you don’t eat up every damn thing, she won’t use up all the toilet paper. We all consume different items at different levels. In the end, if you eat more than she does and she uses more TP, it will all even out.

If you don’t question who she’s hanging out with, she won’t go through your phone when you go to the bathroom. Birds of a feather flock together, and if you’re insecure about her stepping out, she’s probably feeling the same way.

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