Happy Feelings

I am having an absolutely phenomenal day, for no particular reason at all! I’m just glad that I exist! Not worried about life’s burdens, personal problems, or shortcomings (which are omni-present). If I ever find myself in a position to speak to a group of people in hopes to inspire them, I would entitle my message “I’ve changed my mind.” Today, I’ve changed my mind about so much. I’ve decided at this very moment, that I’m beyond so many things. I’m over that man that was the subject of my last post (I know, it was pretty pathetic, but that’s how I felt that day), I’m over worrying about tomorrow, and I’m over stressing things that I can’t change. Even now as I’m typing, I can’t help but sway back and forth in my seat to the tune of a happy song in my head. Here, join me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq5zgqmzWSI. By the way, if you aren’t in Washington D.C. today, it’s absolutely glorious outside! I feel so fortunate to be able to witness the majesty of God’s creation, and embrace it on a day as lovely as today. I feel so absolutely relieved that I was able to let go of the things weighing me down.

There’s nothing else like the moment in time where you realize that your situation no longer dictates your existence. I don’t know if the word, ‘epiphany’ can accurately portray the magnitude of that moment. Maybe i should use ‘revelation’. A striking disclosure………yeah, that’s the one. I guess it’s striking because in that moment, everything is just right. For me, that moment came while I was in the shower yesterday. How appropriate. I could literally feel all of my stressors being washed away from my body with every drop that ran from my head, down my face, and splashed at my toes. Once I stepped out, I witnessed myself in the most simplistic form. Absolutely naked. No clothes, no chemicals, nothing artificial, fabricated, or deceptive. The shit was poetic. At that moment, there was nothing that I wished to change, and to me, I was absolutely beautiful. Not perfect, just beautiful. Everything was just as it was supposed to be, and I smiled.

Speaking of smiles, it has been my observation that a smile is incredibly powerful.  It’s easy to negate so many views, objections, and ill thoughts with just a simple smile.  An unwanted advance from the opposite sex can be denied with fewer insults, name-calling, and spitting (yes, spitting) with just a smile and a simple, “No, thank-you.” Cat calls from random belligerents on the corner will not continue to harass you as long as you offer a smile, and continue walking. I even like to give a little attention in return, maybe a wink or a wave,  so I don’t feel so much like the zebra being stared at and studied by the greedy ass lion, and more like a mutual particpant in the encounter.  We’re all aware of “the look” that Black women give one another in passing to size each other up. This “look” is usually followed by thoughts like, “I bet she thinks she’s cute” or “I know I look better than she does” or other insecure bullshit. I’ve found that when you find yourself being given the evil eye of insecurity, a simple smile will completely throw them off. We all know how a wink and a smile makes other people feel special or important, but it also does wonders for self. Forcing yourself to smile can change the condition of your day from miserable to pretty swell in no time. It’s just good for you. It makes you feel better, look better, and keeps you sane.

“You look good, you feel good. You feel good, you play good. You play good, the pay is good!” -corny but cute from Deion Sanders

Sing a song, celebrate the day.

Random Rants: On Everything

Here are the thoughts I had throughout the course of the day. Please be advised that these are just my thoughts, and are not law, nor advice, and they are subject to change by the minute.

1. I hope all the little white girls whose racist, Republican parents took them out of school so they wouldn’t have to hear President Obama’s speech on education grow up to marry Lil’ Trey Trey, complete with his Jordans, spinning wheels, and remote-controlled lamborghini chain hanging from his neck. I hope they have 8 black, ashy babies, 1 of whom is gay, who all start a movement to have Harvard University renamed, “Tupac Amaru Shakur University.”

2. Is it rude to say to a homeless man, “Hi, how are you?” I wasn’t trying to be rude or insensitive, that’s just how I greet everyone when I’m walking down the street. There happen to be quite a few homeless people in the street.

3. Take a risk. What’s the worst that could happen? You fail? So what. Get big.

4. Stop eating meat or you’re going to die.

5. Thursday night…..blame it on the Goose.

6. America sucks for not memorializing the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina like 9/11. That’s bullshit.

7. Anyone who says President Obama is the anti-christ is the devil.

8. Jay-Z is the devil. He is going to hell. Are you going with him? I hope he can get it right before Jesus comes back. I’d also like to mention that Jay-Z has fallen into the same category of rappers that he says is responsible for the death of hip-hop.

9. People who say they join greek fraternities or sororities for networking purposes are stupid.

10. People who join greek fraternities or sororities are stupid.

11. I’ve got work to do. I’m on my way….

12. I think I offended a gay man yesterday by offering to give him $2 when the cashier at Starbucks wouldn’t break his 100. I think he thought I was coming on to him. Guess you just can’t be nice to people in 2009.

13. Don’t chastise me for calling that middle-aged woman with her breasts hanging out, hollering at her baby daddy on her phone with a Lil’ Wayne ringtone ghetto. That bitch is ghetto! You don’t think we should say things like that in front of white people……? What, you don’t think they noticed?!

14. Why are greek organizations greek? Why not Latin or Hebrew?

15. Speaking of Greek, did you know that Jesus spoke Greek? Yep, it’s true. Read.

16. Women shouldn’t have certain jobs that are intended for men. I hate to see women police officers, construction workers, boxers/wrestlers, and especially sideline commentators. If we had a female President, I’d move to Afghanistan. Don’t let Tyra Banks have you singing, “I am woman, hear me roar!” Yeah, she has fortune and fame, but she always talks of having a family…..Go raise your kids, career woman. You may as well be a dead-beat dad. It takes a special kind of woman to work and be a great mom. They’re usually not the ones trying to prove that they can do everything men can. Know your role, and shut your mug!

17. Did everyone forget about Bush?! Why aren’t we stoning him???? Stop heckling my President during his speech, you racist S.O.B. Instead, grab your torch and pitch fork, and let’s go to Texas!

18. Please turn your ipod down before you attempt to speak to me. You’re hollering, sir.

19. Stop believing everything people tell you and/or have told you. Even your mother lies to you. Read a book. Hell, read two.

20. I’ve decided not to go to grad school. I don’t want the debt, it’s going to take too long, and my experience in college taught me that I can be more successful than everyone else without going to college. I have the internet and a library card. And God. I got accepted to “The Mecca of Black Education”, a school that people would give their pinky toe in exchange for admission without submitting my application on time, and without ever submitting an admissions essay. If it’s for me, I’ll have it.

21. Damn, Dad. That was selfish. You have to stop that. Consult your wife….she’s smarter than you are.

22. Why would you want to burn a bridge with ME? You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

23. Why don’t Muslims eat pork? Isn’t it because pigs are filthy creatures who eat slop? If that’s the case, why do they eat fish? Fish swim and eat where they defacate. Sometimes they eat their own feces. Do Muslims eat fish?

24. If I see one more Mexican baby screaming in Target, I’m going to call Immigration.

25. My dog does not play well with others. Let little Toodles come greet my dog if you want to, but understand that Toodles will surely die.

26. U Street never fails me. Teenage boys as gay as a parade, screaming crackheads, church choirs singing on the corner, musical instruments being played in exchange for a bite to eat, cheating spouses, good food, diverse culture, theological debates amongst the homeless. DC is great.

27. Nothing angers me more than when homos compare their struggle for equality with that of Blacks in America.

28. Thank God for Jesus.

29. My dog is going to buy me a house.

30. You’re right, men are simple. Men are simplistic, and women are over-analytical, which believe it or not, can create a hinderance for effective communication. Women write long, detailed, drawn-out e-mails and letters to their love interest or significant other. Men write a few sentences with everything they feel you need to know. When women want attention, they devise a plan to fool you with trickery in order to get a rise out of you. Men say two words that they know will get you worked up. Women go back and forth between styles, colors, and cuts of underwear to put on every single day. Men wear what’s clean…..sometimes. When women feel they’ve been hurt, they’ll cry, talk about it, consult their friends, and reconcile. Men just leave. Women talk about getting in shape and losing weight for years. Men just do it. Women want to be romanced. Men want sex….and food. Women will try to define an “unofficial relationship” based on how long they’ve been having sex. If men don’t clearly state that they’re in a relationship, they’re not going to behave like they are, regardless of what they tell you. Women thrive off of confrontation because it gets men to talk and express their feelings. Men avoid confrontation like they avoid fat girls. It makes sense. You just have to find a happy medium, which is as hard as Chinese arithmetic.

31. We get it, you’re gay. Take the flag down.

32. Why is everyone so hung up on the sexuality of celebs? Tyler Perry, Will Smith, Eddie Murphy, MJ, Queen Latifah, Diddy??? Who the hell cares? Their sexuality aint doin shit for you, and it’s not going to make them any less rich or successful. Let them live.

33. So what if Rick Ross was a C.O.? That nigga had to eat too. We glorify hustling so much that we forget that those who are true hustlers, (not the ones rappin about it) probably wouldn’t if they didn’t have to. Which brings me to my position on the Hip-Hop world, which because it has such a huge influence on my generation, deserves it’s own section in my blog:

34. If I hear another rapper and/or singer use the words swag, hustler, grown, VIP, independent, rims, black card, baller, diva, stunt, I/we run, Patron, Nuvo, paper, or rhyme models with bottles, or Gucci with Louis, I will surely lose it.

35. I’m curious as to what the new official liquor of the hip-hop commmunity will be after Patron, Ciroc, and Nuvo fade out. I’m hoping for Gentleman’s Jack. Maybe they could call it ‘Gentle Jack’. Nah, that’s gay.

36. If you don’t think Lil’ Wayne is beginning to fall off, you’re sadly mistaken. You can only be in outter space for so long before you have to come back down for air.

37. I’ll respect an artist when they stop rhyming about making it rain, and start rhyming about interest-bearing savings accounts.

38. Stop supporting artists who aren’t doing shit to help anyone other than themselves. Download! Download! Download! Why am I going to give you money and support your dreams of becoming a millionaire only for you to rap about how you can afford everything that I can’t? Mmmm, I’m good.That doesn’t do shit for me. And when I say this, I am not referring to the up and coming artists trying to break into the industry. Support them. But once they get there, demand more from them. If an artist contributes in some way to others less fortunate than themselves, I’m all for it. If not, what’s the purpose of you putting money in their pocket?

39. If you think Drake is going to be the one to revive hip-hop, you should probably jump off of a bridge. What makes him so different? His delivery? Ok, whatever, he’s still talking the same bullshit that everyone else is talking.

40. If you’re not up on Pac Div, you need to be. Period. And don’t steal from them, give them your money.

41. If you’re still debating whether Jay-Z or Lil’ Wayne is the better lyricist, please go buy a Stevie Wonder album. Who cares who’s better, the two of them along with 98% of commercial artists talk about the same thing. So what’s the real debate? Whose rhymes are more clever, witty, and thought-provoking, or who says it the best way? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the former.

Random Rants: Thoughts while walking the dog

Just a bunch of thoughts that I was rolling around in my head this morning. Some correlate, some don’t. Don’t feel compelled to read it, it’s not thought-provoking. Just….random.

1. Don’t pray and ask God for something if you’re not going to take full advantage of it when he gives it to you. (I.e. Don’t pray for a job and then complain about the long hours)

2. Today is a good day to tell your parents you love them.

3. Mom’s are always right. They really know what’s best for you and always have your best interest in mind.

4. “After sex, men are tired, sleepy, and hungry. The same symptoms of an allergy attack.”-from a book I’m reading.

5. I sometimes act like a 24-year old, and sometimes I can be a little sensitive. It’s ok, I’m a 24-year old woman.

6. There’s no better feeling than when your dad tells you he’s proud of you.

7. PRIORITIES! PRIORITIES! PRIORITIES!

8. Seems like everyone my age is jumping the broom. I still can’t even imagine taking that leap yet. I think I’ve already met my future, I just don’t know that it’s him.

9. A guy complimented me yesterday when I was walking my dog down the street. Nothing raunchy or degrading. Just a very simple and genuine compliment. And then he left it at that. Wasn’t tryna holla and didn’t even really seem interested. That was nice.

10. I’m expecting to make some big moves in the very near future.

11. My dog is the shit. Period.

12. I’m so happy to have met Jerica Shackleford. I can identify a little better with her than some of my other friends on this side of the world. I don’t have to filter or censor myself. I can just be me. I think I found a new life-long friend.

13. If we all could learn to communicate effectively, we’d all be so much happier.

14. It’s nice to connect with old friends. Big up to facebook!

15. I wonder what my mom was like when she was my age. My mom is gorgeous.

16. I don’t care what anyone says, I think I sing pretty well. Not well enough to win a reality show or land a record deal, but I think I’m pretty good. And I love to do it.

17. I wonder what my life would be like if I actually completed something that I set out to do. Does that mean I have commitment issues?

18. I’m not deep. Not really creative. I have no talent. Not as funny as others. And I’m still the shit.

19. Men are weird.

20. Most of the time it’s ok to buy the generic brand. Other times, you should go for what you know.

21. I wonder how much different high school would have been if my parents believed in buying me Jordans, a 2-way pager, and all the other stupid, material stuff that makes kids feel accepted.

22. Why am I eating things when I don’t know what’s in them? I’m going to start reading labels more often. Trust no one.

23. I’m all grown up. Wow.

24. It’s nice to see the spoiled brats of Howard University get some balls.

25. I don’t like certain groups of people to include: Loud, ghetto black people; Asians that don’t know how to walk through the mall or drive; White people who say dumb shit about Obama because they want to see him fail; Men who wear skinny jeans; Men who walk more feminine than I; Women who hate other women because they’re insecure; The pretentious; Those who try to run the lives of others and don’t know shit; The non-readers; The judgemental; The uncouthe; Nasty old men; Those who feel they have something to prove. There, I said it.

26. Seriously??!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING WHEN I STARTED MESSING WITH YOU?! EWWW!!!!

27. What’s for lunch?

28. I love my co-workers. They’re awesome.

29. Thank God for Jesus.

It’s a She Thing

 

First and foremost, this is by no means a man-bashng, “I am woman, hear me roar!” type of note. This is just an expression of a couple things that I have been experiencing and have conversed about lately. You may have seen my facebook status about not being as feminine as some would prefer. I don’t see myself as an ordinary person, and even less of an ordinary woman. Sort of. Certain things that I do may seem a little barbaric or too masculine, relative to other women. Here are a few facts about me:

1. I absolutely LOVE Jack and Coke. If it’s not Jack and Coke, it’s Navan on the rocks. (At home anyway)

2. I know enough about how cars work to get by if something were to go wrong. (I.e. changing tires, jumping the battery, checking fluid levels, removing a boot ;-). Nothing too extreme, again, just enough to get by.

3. I curse like a sailor and drink like a fish.

4. My dog is not cute and cuddly. He won’t fit in my purse, and he’s not an accessory. He’s a pit bull. A big pit bull.

5. I drive a truck with a manual transmission. A small truck, but still, it’s no Corolla. Why? Because I’m 5’10”, and when I was learning how to drive, my parents had a Suburban and a Cadillac DeVille. What choice did I have? And manual transmissions are cheaper, more fuel efficient, and pretty hot!

6. When I’m extremely stressed, I may just smoke a Black.

7. If I get the urge, I will burp aloud.

8. I have 3 tattoos, and would like to get 2 more before the leaves turn in the fall.

9. I like video games. Am I good? No way. But I still like them.

10. I enjoy outdoorsy stuff. Camping. skiing, horseback riding, anything to get dirty.

11. I can cut men’s hair, without messing up the swirl(s).

12. I don’t always think the way women do in terms of sex and relationships. (Won’t go into detail)

13. I don’t need an entourage of girlfriends. I am very content with going to a bar alone, buying myself a drink, and striking up conversation with strangers.

14. I am extremely old-fashioned. Club me over the head, drag me back to your cave, and I’ll drop 10 babies for you. That modern woman stuff is for the birds. Anyone who really knows me knows that I can’t stand soft men. This is why. Which brings me to number 15…

15. My dream job is to be a housewife. Not like those in ATL or Orange County, but something like my granny in the fifties. I’ll cook every meal daily, clean the house, take the kids to soccer practice, load everyone in the car for church, go to PTA meetings, rub you down after work, and read bedtime stories……after I earn my Ph.D. and set myself up for residual income of course.

What’s wrong with the aforementioned? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I think it makes me well-rounded. Some things you just learn when you’re alone and all of your family is 3,000 miles away, and some things I’ve just acquired just because I’m me. I’m not trying to prove anything, I just am who I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much a woman. Before I got my dog, I had a phenomenal collection of stilettos and pumps, I dance around my room in my panties to Beyonce, I’m very nurturing, I like to be romanced, and I’m still sugar and spice and everythig nice.

My problem is neither that I can’t get a man, nor that I think men are inferior and should step their game up. I don’t have a problem. It’s just been my experience that these things can be a little intimidating for men, and I’m just opening up for some feedback as to why that is. I’d just like to hear some different points of view. I’m not saying I’m willing to make any changes to be more desireable, because again, I’m me. “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am…..”-Popeye