Posts Tagged ‘ men ’

A Stroll Down Memory Lane

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been what people call a hoarder. I never wanted to get rid of anything, because I never wanted to lose whatever memory it held, good or bad, and I always wanted to remember exactly how I felt in that moment. We’re talking movie ticket stubs, stuffed animals, class schedules, notes I’d received from friends between classes, even copies of letters that I’ve written to other people. Lately, I’ve been trying to clean house and get rid of a lot of things that I have no need for. It started with all of my belongings that I packed up at my parents’ house when I went away to school. I threw away so many things that probably once had some meaning, but are now insignificant reminders of my childhood. Then, I moved on to my junk drawer filled with old bank statements, unfiled taxes, and a bunch of unsent thank you cards from my high school and college graduations (sorry, mom). Finally, I moved on to my electronic junk. Old term papers and assignments, notices and fliers for the dorm, and emails. I pulled my old Yahoo! account and began to read old emails that would evetually end up in a cyber landfill.

What better place to begin than the folder with all of the emails received from my college boyfriend? Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a time-to-do-away-with-all-that-triflin-asshole’s-emails type of thing. To this day, he and I are still really good friends and neither of us have any ill feelings toward the other. It was almost entertaining to go back in time and try to remember what was happening at the time each letter was written, and to try and remember what state of mind I was in when I first read them. To reflect on talk of exams, football games, dorm activities, and our favorite hangouts definitely took me for a stroll down memory lane.  What was most amusing was to read the letters sent during or just after a fight we’d had. The fights and the letters all seemed so intense at the timee, but now I’m left with the question, WHAT WERE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT???  Aside from the fact that most of what we argued about was so trivial and juvenile, at the time it seemed like war of the worlds. All of our feelings had that same intensity. We talked to each other like we, at 18 knew everything about the world around us and there was nothing that could come between the love we had for one another. We were so certain hat we would marry, but realistically even if we didn’t, we knew that our love would always be with the other.

After completing the last email, my first thought was that we have both changed and grown up so much since then, and I began to wonder how we couldn’t see how immature we were at the time. Then I wondered if 5 years from now, I’ll be asking myself that same question about things that seem to be so serious to me in my dealings with men today.

Are the things that I think are life or death-type feelings at (almost) 26 just as silly as I now feel things were when I was 18? Is what I’m upset about really that big of a deal? Am I able to see various situations for what they really are without letting my intense feelings steer me away from reality? Well, I’d certainly like to think that I am a rational, mature thinker, but I guess I won’t really know the answer until I look back at my blog 5 years from now.  I’d hate to think that the feelings I have and the things I go through that seriously hurt my feelings are trivial and will one day be disregarded just like my old movie ticket stubs. Since its very possible that the feelings I have may one day mean nothing to me, should I even continue to invest more of myself into them? Then again, when will I know when its okay to give 100% toward a lasting romance? Will I ever know, or is everything in the hands of faith and fate? Conflicted.


Dating in Perfect Harmony

It is a pretty well known fact that women are not always expressive, and thus tend to be reactive creatures. Think about it. How many times have you heard of or been in a scenario where a guy asks his gal a very simple, “What’s wrong?” and she almost always replies, “Nothing.”? We all know that this answer is almost always a lie, and the woman just may not be in the mood to discuss what’s on her mind. How many times has that woman then gone on to do something in retaliation of whatever the issue is that she refuses to discuss? It is my hope that one day, one man on this planet will be able to understand that the things she does to aggravate him are a direct result of something he did to aggravate her. So, in order to avoid confusion, I have comprised a sample list of things that a woman may do as a result of the things that her guy does, that she will never bring to his attention:
If you don’t ask what’s wrong with her DURING THE GAME, she won’t try and talk to you about her day during the game. She was going to wait until the end, because whatever she has to say can’t be explained during halftime, a time-out, or a commercial break. But you asked, and now you have to listen attentively as she tells you about the morons at work.

If you don’t turn her channel when you’re watching TV, she won’t change the radio station when she’s in your car. You know that feeling in your stomach that you had when she turned the dial at the climax of that Jay-Z song you like? She feels the same way when you reach for the remote right when the Housewives are about to break into a scuffle. Additionally, if you wait until she goes into the bathroom to change her channel, she will do the same thing to the radio station as soon as you step outside to pump the gas.

If you don’t put your crusty man feet on her, she won’t lick your eyeball. Both are extreme violations of one’s person, and any violator should be prepared for drastic repercussions.

If you don’t criticize the way she drives, she won’t criticize the way you fold your laundry or the way you make a sandwich. Know your role, and shut yo mug!

If you don’t criticize braids, weaves, color, and short haircuts, she won’t keep her hair wrapped like Mammie when you have sex. You like  the way her pretty, natural hair looks, well you’re going to have to suffer visual turn-offs from time to time, as they are necessary to maintain natural Black girl hair.

If you don’t call her bourgeois, she won’t expect you to pump her gas. Conversely, if you don’t call her ghetto, she won’t embarass you with her loud mouth in public. Women love to be provoked because they like attention. Just be mindful of the kind of attention you incite.

If you don’t tell her you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time, she won’t expect you to be there at the time you said. Women take everything that you say VERY literally.

If you don’t act like a woman, she won’t call you one. Nobody likes a bitch.

If you don’t eat up every damn thing, she won’t use up all the toilet paper. We all consume different items at different levels. In the end, if you eat more than she does and she uses more TP, it will all even out.

If you don’t question who she’s hanging out with, she won’t go through your phone when you go to the bathroom. Birds of a feather flock together, and if you’re insecure about her stepping out, she’s probably feeling the same way.

That Belt is Mighty Notchy!

I used to be one of those people who felt entitled to know how many sexual partners the guy I was dating had before me. I felt that it was a matter of determining if he was promiscuous, unhealthy, and/or what value I really had in his life. I’ve learned all of that to be a bunch of bullshit. The time of my life where I inquired about his belt notches was also a time when I was going through his cell phone, getting in my feelings about any friendship he may have with a woman, and doing all the other dumb things that women do when they are insecure and suspicious of their guy. Truth be told, nothing good will ever come of him answering that question that you honestly don’t want to know the answer to. Knowing how many notches he has in his belt is only going to piss you off because each guy’s answer falls into one of the following categories:

A. He’s (allegedly) had too many to count

B. He’s lying because he knows he’s had more than you’ll approve of

C. He’s lying because he feels inexperienced for his age

D. He’s going to decline to answer, because it’s none of your damn business.

I have grown to respect the man who chooses option ‘D’. I feel that at this stage in my life, there is certain information that serves no real purpose to me or relationship with a guy I’m seeing. I’ve also learned that its best not to sweat the small things and go digging for confrontation. Many of my womanly counterparts will surely disagree with my thinking, but I just don’t see what benefit could possibly come of any woman asking her man such a private, intrusive, and useless question. When the nitty comes down to the gritty, asking a person how many sexual partners they’ve had is the MOST disrespectful and MOST personal question you could ever ask someone, in my opinion. To me, that question is just as inappropriate as asking your grandma if she gives head. Not anything I want to think about.

What’s funny is that most women who receive an answer to their question do nothing with the information, even if its not what they were hoping to hear. If a woman is attracted to a man, thinks he’s great company, and likes the way he treats her, do you think she’s going to throw up her deuces when he tells her that she’s notch number 45? I’m going to say no. Most will shrug it off, say it’s in their nature as men, and cross fingers in hopes that number 46 is notched sometime after we’re long gone.

On the converse, if a man were to ask his gal that same dreaded question, he may label her and give her a sack of rocks to kick if she averages more than 2 partners a year (or so).  Side note: I didn’t realize that men passed judgement based on the ‘average’ number of guys she’s been with in a year’s time. A guy once broke down the math to me. He said that since I lost my virginity at 18, and I was 23 (at the time), I was entitled to have reasonably been with about 7 guys in that 5 year span without being considered a ho. By his math, it should have been 10, but he shaved off 3 allowances, because I was in a relationship for a few years. Some would disagree with my friend’s thinking and say that 10 different sexual partners is totally unacceptable and is borderline Superhead status.

The point is, whether I’ve been with 2 or 12, I don’t think a guy that I’m exclusive with wants any information having to do with me having sex with a man other than himself. Doesn’t paint a great picture, and nothing productive or positive will come of it. So, the best thing to do is be safe with each and every person you choose, and avoid asking the silly shit.

Short and Sweet: The #1 Thing a Woman Should Never Have to Do


 Buy condoms.

The down time between the heat of the moment, and the time it would take you to go and come back to the store is too long to keep me enticed. Furthermore, do you know how difficult it is as a woman to try and guess what size/brand/type of condom she should purchase???

Man: “Stop and get some rubbers before you get here. I’m out.”

Woman: “Ok, which ones should I get?”

(Every) Man: “Girl, you know I only wear MAGNUMS!”

Woman: “Whatever. Well they have a couple different ones. Any preference?”

Man: “Nah, just get whatever.”

Woman: “Ok, do you wear a large or an EXTRA-LARGE?”

Man: “Don’t play, you know what I wear.”

Woman:  (Embarassing moment of silence) “I left my credit card in the clutch I had last night, can you just go get some?”

See how awkward that can be? Maybe this conversation isn’t the same for everyone, but that’s just how I picture it playing out in my head. What if the store is out of what he normally wears? What’s the next best thing? What if the size he tells me to get is too big for him in my opinion, so I get a smaller size, and then he gives me the screw face when I show up with extra-medium rubbers? All of these things can play a big role in how the rest of the evening plays out. The way I see it, I’ll start buying  a man’s condoms when he starts buying my “girl stuff”. I don’t know what you need, and you don’t know what I need, so everybody just get your own family planning/feminine products. I understand that some would say since both parties are benefitting and in need, either party should be willing to buy them. I totally understand, but that argument is not compelling enough to convince me of anything.

Top 5 Things to Know Before You Date Him Exclusively

As women, it is our responsibility to pick up on clues about a guy to learn who he is and what kind of mate he will be. It’s very easy to have the long talks on the phone and go on awkward let-‘s-get-to-know-each-other-dates. But all you will learn during these encounters is what he wants you to know. Nothing more, nothing less. You learn that at times he can be considerate and chivalrous, and probably has a good heart. You may also learn that he’s selfish and petty, and tries to impress you way too much. If you desire to know more about a guy because you may truly be interested in moving forward in an exclusive and romantic capacity, you have to pay attention to what he does when he thinks you’re not paying attention. Am I the relationship expert? No way. These are just a few questions I ask myself about him that I have found to be useful:

1. What kind of company does he keep?

This first clue is probably the most obvious of the 5, but it still allows you to pick up on things that he may not ordinarily disclose to you. I don’t hang out with foolish and petty people because I don’t see myself as wanting to dwell on being neither foolish nor petty. I don’t hang out with homosexuals because I’m against homosexuality. I don’t hang with whores because I’m not a whore. One of the biggest life lessons that I’ve learned over and over again is that if the company I keep isn’t contributing to me being a better person, even when I’m not making an effort to be the best me that I can, I shouldn’t be around those people. If your guy is surrounding himself with people doing the same old stuff, he’s never going to be able to break away from the pack and do things that actually make sense. He may not be the biggest whore in the group, but I can guarantee you that they won’t discourage his whore-ish behavior. If they are a group of pretentious assholes, and your guy tells you he’s the only one that’s different from his friends, chances are he’s a pretentious liar of an asshole.

2. Is he over-protective of his sister?

Normally, a woman would want to know how her suitor treats his mother in order to gauge how he would treat his mate. This test is a sure fail every time. In my 25 years, I’ve only met one man who has not treated his mother well, and this includes the guys who have crackheads for mothers. A guy will usually always treat his mother well, especially if she’s a single parent, and especially if he doesn’t have a comparable relationship with his father. If you want to know how men treat the women in their lives, take a look at how he treats his sister. If he is over-protective of her, chances are he’s a promiscuous womanizer. These are the guys that have had many women in their beds, and try to protect their sisters from men such as themselves. The brother who loves his sister, has her back, but let’s her breathe trusts her to make good choices, in spite of the elements around her. He knows that there are slutty guys out there that may prey on his sibling, but he is comforted by the trust that he has in her, and will respect her as a woman. If he respects his sister as a woman, he’ll respect his woman as his woman.

3. Why does he like his favorite sports team more than all the rest?

Personally, I don’t trust any Cowboys fans that reside in Washington, D.C., and believe you me, there are a whole lot of them. My best guess is that about 75% of Dallas fans have no true ties to Dallas, to  Texas, to excessively fried foods, or to any member of the team. The reason they love the Cowboys, is because they have no other way to show the utmost disrespect to and disdain for Washington’s home team, the Redskins. They just have a desire to be different for the sake of being different. In my eyes, this translates to an insecurity. People who are different than the norm don’t choose to be, they just are. The ones who try to be different for the sake of being unique are insecure and desire acceptance. I have no doubt in my mind that these Cowboys fans without ties to Texas who reside in D.C. may be some of the same people who wear sunglasses in the club, pledge Greek, and buy attire with overwhelming Gucci symbols ALL OVER them. Instead, try a man who favors his home team, whoever they may be, or favors a particular player that isn’t Lebron James. If your boo boo biscuit is loyal to a team, he better have a damn good reason!

4. Is his favorite drink one that has pineapple juice in it?

I think I’ve made it pretty evident in previous posts that I don’t like men who have questionable masculinity. If we’re out having drinks and he and I both order drinks that come with the same pineapple and cherry garnish, there’s a big problem. Huge. Furthermore, if he orders something like Grand Marnier with pineapple juice, a fruit flavored liquor with the sweetest of juices, I have to question how much bitchassness he’s working with. Again, this is not an occassional drink that I’m referring to, I’m talking about his go-to drink, just as mine is Jack and Coke all day, every day. Now don’t get me wrong. Pineapple juice is a very tasty treat that nature has provided us, and it doesn’t make any man less of a man to drink it. It’s good for you. But if you’re going to taint its goodness with alcohol, at least put some gin in that mofo!

5.  Does he sit through your weekend chick-show marathons?

Granted, I have previously stated that any man who can learn to watch my favorite TV shows and movies is a winner in my book. However, I’m referring to the all day marathons of America’s Next Top Model, Real Housewives of Everywhere, Say Yes to The Dress and anything else on Oxygen and/or Lifetime. Some women might appreciate a guy who will sit quietly while you watch Eva freak out about her tarantula photo shoot for the 17th time, but not me. I might not mind it too much the first time since my control over the TV is always limited. But at  some point, I’m going to ask if there’s something else he should be doing other than being up under me all damn day. Better yet, at what point is he going to finally speak up and ask  to have his balls back your permission to watch something else? I don’t want my man to be the girlfriend I can lay in pajamas with all day while he offers his opinion that NeNe is the fiercest housewife. Go grill something, mow something, or fix something.

Where to Take a Date in DC

I don’t know any woman who doesn’t like to go on dates, even if not on a regular basis. I think it’s a well known fact that we are emotional creatures, and love to be romanced. No woman who will ever tire of being swept off her feet. Every now and then, its nice to get away from the traditional dinner and a movie, bowling, etc. and do something different and exciting. I appreciate a night in or a visit to the local sports bar just as much as the next gal, but if I can’t ever do anything outside of the norm, chances are I’ll get bored. Its not only important to do something different from time to time, but its just as important that you are able to enjoy doing these things with the person you enjoy spending your time with. Its not enough that you’d go along to make me happy, because I can guarantee that if you’re not having a good time, your attitude will show and spoil the evening. Then we’re both pissed. 

So, I have compiled a list of ideas for somewhat-out-of-the-box dates that I’ve either planned with someone or would like to do myself. The first five are dates that I planned and took my last guy on. I needed reinforcements for this one, so a couple are not my own ideas, but those of my girlfriends. It was so interesting to see how women responded when I asked about the cool dates they’ve been on. Most of the date reflections were almost non-existent, and with a bitter outlook. Evidently, I’m not the only one who would like to have a guy plan something for her based on what he knows about her in order to see her happy. Custom-planned dates go a long way because the thought that has to go into them says a lot about how a guy views his gal, even if there isn’t a whole lot of money going into it. Well, here it is:

1. Picnic on the mall.

I haven’t been on a picnic on the Mall, but I did take my last guy to the Lincoln Monument for a moonlight picnic a few years back. The way the monuments are lit up at night really set the scene for a very romantic evening. We got hot chocolate (hot apple cider for me), stopped at Fuddruckers, and ate our food on a blanket in front of the reflecting pool. This probably would’ve been executed a little better if we weren’t being bitch-slapped with Mother Nature’s icy-cold hand, but it was still a great time, and we probably would’ve stayed longer if it weren’t so cold.

2. Ice skating in the sculpture garden.

I love to ice skate. I’m no Michelle Kwan, but I do pretty well on my blades and try to go at least once every winter. There are a couple of places that you can go to ice skate in the metro area, but I particularly enjoy the scenery of an afternoon at the Sculpture Garden on the Mall. Because its downtown, there are plenty of places to eat afterward, and other after-skating activities to do that are close by. Not only is it fun, but it’s usually pretty cheap, maybe $10 or so.

3. Museum tour.

Not only do I feel it imperative to see all the historical sights that the Nation’s Capital has to offer when you’re a resident of the area, but it’s actually a pretty neat thing to do with great company. Even if you’re not a huge museum buff, there’s usually something to intrigue everyone, regardless of what your interests are. Walking through museums is a great time to talk and get to know someone, because your attention isn’t constantly on something else as it would be during a movie. If nothing else, they’re free!

4. Paddle boating.

Best $8 date I’ve ever been on. There are paddle boats for rent downtown, where you can paddle in the Tidal Basin around the Jefferson memorial. If you don’t mind a light workout, this is another prime opportunity to talk, take some pictures, take in the great weather, and visit a historical site in a different way.

5. Dinner on the Odyssey/Spirit of Washington.

Dinner cruises are a nice way to have a different type of dining experience. if you’re not a fan of the cheesy singers and dancers after the meal, the front of the boat provides a very intimate and romantic setting to talk and take in the view of the DC skyline lit up against the Potomac. Besides, if you’ve ever been to a club in DC, you’d know that ladies like to get dressed up. Very rarely do we get to break out a semi-formal cocktail dress, go all out with hair and make-up, and feel like a princess for the night.

6. National Harbor.

If nothing else, the National Harbor provides a different environment to do the things that you would normally do on a date, and adds a touch of romanticism. Maybe its the water? Either way, dinner, shopping, entertainment, all rolled into one little isle. There’s always something going on at The Gaylord Hotel, from indoor snow at Christmas to Cirque du Soleil, to the many restaurants they have to offer. I wouldn’t mind a traditional dinner and movie date if we were at the Harbor.

7. Aquarium.

Daytime dates are A-ok with me. A nice activity folowed by lunch, or another activity is all good in my book, especially since I’m not one to atay up or out late if it doesn’t involve loud music, over-priced liquor, and grinding on strangers. The aquarium is cool. I haven’t been to the one in DC yet, but the aquarium in Baltimore is awesome. I don’t know why there will always be a part of us that never wants to grow up, but the children in us like to experience the interaction with the marine life, and the aquarium is the perfect place to let your inner Bebe kid run free. Again, there’s plenty to talk about, and nothing that takes your attention for extended periods of time., which opens the door for great conversation.

8. Zoo.

The zoo is like the aquarium on steroids. If you can’t take pictures like a flamingo with the flamingoes, admire the humping lions, and question why there are no animals in most parts of the damn zoo, then maybe you just don’t believe in fun. Or maybe I have a different idea of what fun is because I grew up in the suburbs where we would often go to Wal-Mart after the $1 movie to spend the rest of the evening. Either way, chicks like the zoo. There’s plenty of room to play, be silly, and enjoy the company of your companion.

9. Kennedy Center.

If you can’t afford (or just don’t like) the Opera, The Symphony Orchestra, or Mamma Mia!, there are several other stages and a plethora of displays of artistic expressions that you can enjoy. If you go on the weekend, there are free performances that you can see that are in my opinion, EXCELLENT. And, they’re open 365 days a year. That’s every day. Even if you’re not a huge fan of the arts, its nice to see something different every now and then that doesn’t involve Chris Brown being chased for 32 city blocks, drunk guys stealing mike Tyson’s pet tiger, or Tyler Perry giving family life lessons as a cross-dressing senior citizen.

10. Winery.

This is something that I haven’t experienced, but I can imagine that it would be great fun, and I’d love to do it. I REPEAT: I WOULD LOVE TO DO IT (THIS IS DIRECTED AT NOBODY IN PARTICULAR, BUT IF YOU’VE REAPED THE BENEFITS OF ME SLAVING OVER YOUR STOVE SEVERAL TIMES WITHIN THE LAST FEW MONTHS AND WATCHED THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON NBATV WHILE I MISSED NEW EPISODES OF HOUSE, ALL  IN ORDER TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU CAN GO TO BED HAPPY, AND I DO MEAN HAPPY, PLEASE TAKE NOTE. ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE AFRICAN. AND LIKE BASKETBALL). My former roommate took a date to a winery in Virginia where they took a tour, had lunch, and made their own wine. I mean, who doesn’t want to learn about and taste wine on a date?! Especially if you learn which foods to pair the different kinds of wine with. I’d probably give this one a thumbs up. If I ever went. Just sayin.

11. Horseback riding in Rock Creek Park.

When I say horseback riding, I don’t mean Seabiscuit-style equestrian races, I mean a slow trail ride through the park. Again, something totally different that most people wouldn’t think is available to do in the city. Even if you’ve never been on a horse before, a trail ride can be mastered by even the most novice of riders. How about horseback riding, and then a picnic in the park under a tree, by a stream? By the way, Rock Creek Park is HUGE. There are several secluded places to go, and enjoy the company of your date without being disturbed by large crowds. If you’re still there at dusk, you can see the deer come out to eat as you drive by. Very cool.

My Broom List

You’ve heard of a Bucket List, well allow me to introduce my Broom List: A list of things I want to do before I jump the broom. Most of the things on my list are things that I probably can do after I get married, but that I should take advantage of while I’m young and don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. When I get married (and have kids), I’m going to have my husband and children to answer to, and won’t always be able to put myself first. Wives and mothers have to make sacrifices to keep the family running as it should, because in my old-school mind, the wife and mother is what keeps order in the household. So before I make selfless sacrifices for the ones that I will love more than anyone else, I’m going to do me for a bit.

1. Have sex on a beach.

What is it about doing the wrong thing that intrigues people to do what they know will have less than favorable consequences? This is especially true when it comes to matters of sex. I can’t call it, but taboo sex is one sure way to make the experience not only memorable, but amazing. In my opinion, the best form of taboo sex would be lying on a warm beach under the moonlight with my beau. Sure it may sound cliche, but so is milk and cookies. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop having milk and cookies to avoid the cliche.

2. Drop 10 pounds and get into Ciara shape.

Make no mistake, I may drink like a fish and eat like I’m storing up for the winter, but I’m no fatty. Granted, I’m still not in the best shape of my life either. So, before I walk down the aisle, before I put on gobs of pregnancy weight, before I get old, I’m going to drop a few pounds and tone up in hopes of looking like Ciara. Tall, lean, long-legged, and no booty. I think this could actually be done ina matter of 60 days if I actually focused and stayed consistent. At this point in my life I’m not obligated or committed to anyone, so if I want to look like a plain Jane or big mama, I’m allowed. Probably won’t get me very far, but the point is that I could if I wanted to. As a wife, you have a responsibility to be a hot piece of ass that any man would want to come home to. Period. Once I get there, my vanity will not allow me to stray away, and I’m just gonna have to maintain and preserve my sexy. 

3. Cut my hair.

It has been my experience that most (Black) guys never want you to cut your hair, and never want you to wear fake hair. They want you to have long, natural, uncolored and untainted hair. These same men have absolutely no clue what its like to maintain long, natural Black girl hair. That ish ain’t easy, fast or cheap. I’ve never been a fan of cutting my own hair anyway, but sometimes I get in these moods where I just want to do something outrageous. There may come a time where that feeling leads me to chop my mane.  If I’m going to ever weave it up (I won’t cuz weaves are gross), braid it up, chop it off, or color it pink, I’m going to make an effort to do it on my own time.

4. Take a cruise.

Maybe its just the men that I’ve dealt with, but it seems almost impossible to get a guy to go on a cruise with me. This is something I’ve wanted to do since college, but could never convince my guy to roll. To me, a cruise is something I could do with my girlfriend(s), but I’d rather do with a man.

5. Take (barely) nude photos.

There’s a little woman that lives inside of me that likes to believe she’s abstract. She likes art. She loves music, wine, dance, and theater. She’s an actress. She’s a poet. She’s a songstress. She likes tattoos. She’s not afraid to pose nude for pictures just for the heck of it, only to be seen by her own eyes. I’m not saying this chick has to die before I jump the broom, but she definitely has to tone down some things a bit. I can’t see the type of guy that I want to marry being ok with me taking my clothes off for anyone but him, whether in the name of art, , life, or Jerome. He don’t play that. Single me wants 2 more tattoos and wants to pose nude one more time, just for the heck of it. Married me will keep up the rest of the abstract activities, like writing poetry, going to see live bands, and art exhibits.

6. Retire from alcoholism.

Anyone who knows me or has ever read anything I’ve written knows that I’m a drunkaholic. I like to go out and drink, I like to stay in and drink, I like to wake up and drink. I drink when I’m happy, I drink when I’m sad, I drink when I’m bored. I drink to rid myself of headaches, cramps, the blues, and stress. I drink with company, I drink alone. I drink here, I drink there. I drink in a house, with a mouse, in a box, with a fox. I drink. To be quite honest, I want 4 or 5 children, and I’m absolutely terrifed. 36-45 months without a single sip of anything alcoholic scares the living crap out of me? Someone may want to give CPS a heads up, because I just don’t know if not drinking during pregnancy is a promise I can keep. I make light of all the drinking I do, because it looks worse than it actually is 😉 . Whether you believe that or not, I am aware that the heavy drinking will have to cease once I start that whole chold-bearing thing.

8. Get things right with the Big Guy.

In my opinion, I was brought up the right way. My parents instilled in me all of the good things that parents are supposed to from a moral and Biblical perspective. My brother and I were good kids, and we never got into major trouble. We could come and go as we please because my parents knew they could trust us, and because they put the fear of God and fear of beat downs in us. I decided to make some poor decisions and rebel a little once I reached adulthood, but that was my own doing, even though I knew better. I feel like my kids will be one step ahead of everyone else in life if they have the same religious values that I learned growing up. Even if you decide to stray away, those things mever go away, and you almost always revert back to them when in need, because you know they’ll never fail you. Certainly I’m not waiting until I get married to get my relationship with God where it ought to be, but I’m definitely going to have it solid before I welcome anyone else into my life.