Posts Tagged ‘ sick ’

What Grinds My Gears: Men With a Cold

 

For the life of me, I can’t understand why (some) men become so completely helpless when they’re under the weather. I’ve seen it over and over again. In their minds, something as simple as the common cold is the equivalent of being hit by a Mack truck. A recent conversation with a feverish friend:

Me: What’s wrong?

FF: I’m sick! I feel like shit!

Me: Yeah, I picked up on that when you called and texted me to tell me you feel like shit. What’s the matter?

FF: Dude, I’m dying! This is it! I’m knocking on the great door, I just hope God answers.

Me: Ok………what do you need?

FF: (whining) I don’t knooooowwww………

Me: Well, what’s wrong?

FF: I just feel like shit. Everything hurts. Feel my neck, I think  I have a fever!

Me: Yeah, you’re a little warm. Have you taken anything?

FF: No, what do I need?

Me: Well what else is wrong?

FF: EVERYTHING!!!

Me: Is your tummy upset? Are you vomiting? Are you aching? Headache? Have you eaten today?……..

FF: Yeah.

Me: (!) Yeah, what?

FF: I feel like I’m gonna throw up and my whole body hurts and it hurts to close my eyes because my eyelids are so hot and I almost fell out of my chair because I was too weak to stand up. I know I have a fever.

[Later, at the store (see What Grinds My Gears: Men at the Grocery Store)])

Me: You need some juice. If you don’t think you can hold anything down, you should get something light like soup, applesauce, crackers, something like that.

FF: I want oranges.

Me: ……………………….

FF: I’ll eat them, I promise. Can you hold my hand?

Me: No, I’m not going to hold your hand.

FF: Please?! It will make me feel better. Come on…(extends hand)

Me: I’m not holding your fucking hand, what else do you need?

FF: I’m sorry, I know I’m being difficult, please don’t be mad at me, I just really don’t feel good!!!

Me: Do you want me to grab the stuff so you can wait in the car?

FF: No, no, no. I’ll be ok. I can do it, but I feel like my legs are about to give out…….(Rocks back and forth as if he’s losing his balance)

Me: *SIGH!!!!!*

 

Even if we take pregnancy and childbirth out of the equation, if men had to deal with a fraction of the suffering that women have to go through, they’d never make it. Maybe I’d have more sympathy for guys who don’t feel so hot if they didn’t expect us to operate at our best, if not better when we’re ill. I was expected to help this very same Feverish Friend pack, clean, and move into his new apartment when I had the flu. And you know what? I did it! Without complaining, whining, or requiring attention. Do we get the same care and concern that they expect of us? No way, Jose. And somehow, we’re still able to function as productive superheroes. But alas, that’s just the way of the world, and I don’t see it changing in this lifetime. Or the next.